Blessed You're Still

by Autumn Above

supported by
Dante Cornwell
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Dante Cornwell The first album I've bought in almost a decade. Absolutely amazing. Favorite track: Earth to Self.
Owen W
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Owen W A very worthy follow-up to Prologue, this album delivers Autumn Above's characteristic layered, intricate acoustic-y goodness, with their usual expressive singing. But it's the lyrics that really steal the show, describing the experiences of a survivor of sexual abuse in heart-wrenching detail, from the darkness of flashbacks and detaching to the glimmering moments of hope. Y'all made it 100% worth the wait! Favorite track: Earth to Self.
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1.
Three AM glows the radio - I switch off the headlights Parked to kill by the sidewalk, his house on the left side The blinds all drawn down, the silence too perfect And I've naught to fear, for I am the danger I've been rehearsing what I'd say to you for all my life Armed with this blade and haunting memories, It all resets tonight Picked the locks at the back door - the first floor is clear Ascend the stairs to the bedroom - the end concealed, near Beyond this door sleeps my master: the craftsman, the beast, Architect of my sickness, slayer of infancy Burst through the door, knife raised with euphoria - first cut not to kill Look into my eyes, do you remember me? Are you proud of your creation? To feel just as they feel: alive To be cleansed of the past you stained to rise above Nailed to the ceiling, do you recall what you've done? Your insides my mobile, twirling above Nailed to the ceiling, mutilated they'll find Your lifeless eyes, lidless, staring them down I am no murderer.
2.
Shake me, keep me here with you If I start to slip away, don't let me go It's getting harder to control now, and yes it happens every day Everything else loses meaning, my reality fades The chain on the door, the static on the screen The lamp on the nightstand sputtering, the chill of his grin The scent of his spit, the grip of his hands The wave of disorder, the heat from his breath I strive to be the type of man you need me to be To sustain these violent walls from closing in Leave it behind, get on with this life To finally sleep devoid of the dreams of immorality He must be aware of the power he holds He must still believe it's our little secret But I can't let go knowing he's breathing No, I can't let go knowing he's out there My greatest fear? I won't return And forever I'll be robbed of all sense of veracity I'm orbiting around myself - I wish to land From afar I watch my world spill from my hand I long to make contact Earth to self, are you in there? Breaking up, losing signal Earth to self, are you in there? My body greets the blows without the sense of pain Into the void, emotion bounces off again I long to make contact Earth to self, are you in there? Breaking up, losing signal Earth to self, are you in there?
3.
(oh no - not again) (slow down - thoughts in this head) Fixing mistakes before we make them Instilled in me when I was young The only one who understood this... She knows, she knows... You taught me how to keep this quiet Not sure you knew any other way to keep me right, just keep this light What will all these futures betray? A lesson learned in evolution- hungry hearts are rarely caught These jokes we tell are just self-preservation, and tragedies only what we make of them (come on) Why don't you find answers where we've looked before? Spiraling out, out of control Cannot show Of telling no one of what we know (goddammit, stop this nonsense) With all these projects, we keep it moving, preoccupying our worried minds We keep it light, yeah try not to fight What we'll become, yeah we'll be alright Our constant lessons, our revolutions Our hungry hearts are too often taught that these endeavors are never-ending, And tragedy only if we give in To feed our fears with absence A disregarded inconvenience Repeats itself again and again: We are only innocent To feed our fears with silence Brothers keep the best of secrets We'll say it again and again: We are only innocent Wait, love... just let this sink in I've known you for so long, played for you this requiem Don't leave, just sit a while On your branch and in your beauty Red defying what we've done (no more) (never again) (brothers) (only innocent)
4.
Filthy 05:22
I foresaw the shitstorm brewing ahead- It won't be long before they take me away They'll ask me the very questions I've been asking myself for years, But there are no answers Pathetic's the best word I'd choose to describe what I've become The worst of me has yet to surface, the impious voice is whispering: “You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy Filthy child, dirty mind, where's your dignity? In the palm of his hands with your innocence So go on, where's your strength? Oh, he took that too? Why don't you take it back? What are you waiting for? Go on and take it back, It's time to be the man you ought to be” I get these thoughts in my head Images that won't dissipate Popping pills brings no comfort A toxic passion you can't medicate Why are you shaking, boy? Are there questions you can't bear to ask? Why are you shaking, boy? Was there a part of you that enjoyed it? “You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy Filthy child, dirty mind, where's your dignity? In the palm of his hands with your innocence So go on, where's your strength? Oh, he took that too? Was there a part of you that enjoyed it? Why are you shaking, boy? ”You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy Little fag, little bitch, where's your dignity? In the palm of his hands with your innocence So go on, where's your strength? Oh, he took that too? Why don't you take it back? What are you waiting for? Go on and take it back It's time to be the man you ought to be.”
5.
6.
I Carve Away 08:25
This lantern my only weapon as her voice clears the room She's leading us up past the gates, down the hole, through the muck Cut through the grass, make your way up and in She's leading us down, deep within It's time to set her free The guards will kill on sight; they don't ask questions, no Hold my fingers down, let go, he spins around One heart left! Hold on, or twirl and fall There's always rats and snakes behind the throne At least death meant I got to hear that enchanting song on repeat Oh, let's not forget it also meant it was his turn Aimlessly I journey through and I learn where to and not to go Let's pay the piper a visit; we just might catch him this time Or the silent man by the desert door- we're not equipped for him, no You're off picking 'shrooms in the lost woods Let's fool around in this world some more And worlds within worlds we'll need to battle through Full power, swing, it spins and takes them down That persistent warning gave you an edge, yes This you could control I carve this shame away Into the flesh I carve away Those feeble cries? Sweet symphony That final breath? Ecstasy There has got to be another fountain I'll never be strong enough for you At least death meant I got to hear that enchanting song on repeat Oh, let's not forget it also meant it was his turn.
7.
Opened my eyes one foot out the door Car keys in hand and I could hardly breathe I've never been known to sleepwalk, yet I know I was dreaming I just never fell asleep Above my angels rest Below their man descends from stability Am I a danger to myself? Or am I a danger to everyone I love? Opened my eyes, one hand in the drawer Knife clenched in fist - this I fear every day I've never been known to murder, yet I can't help dreaming I should be put away “You're not capable,” they say Am I capable? With every day that goes by I change Would I be better off? I cannot say Maybe their love could cure it all? Maybe your love could cure it all? Opened my eyes for the first time and saw Your face staring back at me, and I felt alive You never gave up on me now I see Even if it comes and goes, you'll be there to hold me down.
8.
Apogee 04:28
I suppose that I wasn't the first to be graced with your presence, no I hoped to hell that I was the last, at least In your wake the ghosts of the living Fragments of our lives now yours To replay at your own leisure, you crooked bastard I've kept an open mind for long enough to know it don't pay shit to the quality of life I'm exhausting all the patience they had left Just make your move, or just move on I propose you seek other options What if I told you that you could have your cake (and eat it too) over his dead body? Oh, not again, you just pissed yourself Quit shivering, you'll make a scene Here's the blade, please be sure he understands just why You preach to those who seem to waste their time in their own apogee As you watch yourself regress, reshape, reduce to the rancid ideals You've said yourself, “we only get this chance, so don't fuck it up” From way up there it seems that all you've learned was from observation Why not desert your post for once? The cardinal somehow braved that whiteout, his color cutting through - his song defines you That name rolls off their forked tongues, the once lulling tune becomes incessant screeching How does it feel? Does it feel good? Now exposed for who he is and the true body count revealed, you can see that you were right With every day you let slip by in silence, another notch etched in One more soul fed to the sharks The cardinal somehow braved that whiteout, his color cutting through - his song defines you That name rolls off their forked tongues, the once lulling tune becomes incessant screeching Branch by branch, he fought the winds; if perched too long, the snow and ice would claim him How does it feel?
9.
The Voice 01:23
10.
It's hard to believe that I never believed I'd be leaving you To wade in the vortex, your value inflating, escaping me To the back of my mind, exiled by perspective and better days Of self-medication, yet productive thinking, your power strays And I'll take the blame for everything I've done Why should you have it all? Come on, let's give credit where credit's due You seem so sure of yourself these days won't last I'm guessing all these weak contemplations: Novelties, a passing phase in contrast Quit reaching out for remedy Bite down on this, taste something sweet I picture you sitting there, old man in a rocking chair, feeling safe Your eyes start to sting and you smile cause you know that this is the end The searchlight's behind you, the dogs couldn't follow your vile scent You continue to dig yourself through, while above the sirens lament If I'm not broken, then what then? (still he carries that piece of you) Would your actions be now excused? (you wish you believed in a Hell) Or would you lie awake with regret? (to see him suffer before curtain call) To know that I'm rid of you? (what would you give just to see this through?) You're counting on karma to creep up behind, yet you're torn Delivering what he deserves, your chance to be reborn Imagine a you unaltered and relieved of all guilt No question of identity, not with his blood then spilt You're sick of fishing for mistook sympathies And dancing within the clouds you're conjuring Meanwhile, you've just realized how blessed you are still Inevitably, one day you'll lose the will You're counting the days as you cower beneath wide awake Delivering what he deserves: your decision to make? Imagine a you unaltered and atoned for all guilt No question of identity, not with his blood then spilt...
11.
P.E.T.P.W. 05:10
(looming beneath the doorway and looking out) Quit being such a pussy, and wrap things up Then again this shit's heavy, without a doubt Maybe you're just the failure you thought you were I didn't see this coming - is this really unfolding? Hey, wouldn't that be something But once it's all over, will I feel the same? (wandering the streets: dead winter, the night sky grey) Wondering what they're all thinking - could they relate? I can still see me swimming out deep to stay To that abyss so massive; as I break down to join it Oh, wouldn't that be something The further I zoom out, the smaller I'll feel At least I can say I'll never be you. At least I can say I won't be like you.

about

This album is dedicated to victims of physical/sexual abuse and neglect. Let our music remind you you're not alone and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We sincerely admire your courage and strength.

Special thanks to our family, friends, fans, and all who support us.
We couldn't do any of this without you. We love you.

credits

released March 9, 2015

Ryan Davison - lead vocals, guitars, harmonica, ukulele, mandolin
Chris Harvey - lead vocals, guitars, effects, organ, upright & toy pianos
Jim Joyce - guitars, vocals
Sean Cahalin - drums, bass, percussion, vocals, baglama, baritone guitar

Dv L Baronson, Kenny Pellegrino - additional vocals

Artwork by Jude Jorge
Produced by Autumn Above
Recorded by Sean Cahalin and Chris Harvey at Q Division Studios, the Long Room, & Studio de Charvey
Drums recorded by Kyle Paradis at Q Division Studios
Mixed by Sean Cahalin
Mastered by Nick Dragoni
Written by Ryan Davison and Autumn Above except:
Track 3 by Chris Harvey, Ryan Davison, and Autumn Above
Track 5 by Sean Cahalin and Autumn Above
Track 9 by Chris Harvey and Autumn Above
Track 11 by Ryan Davison, Anthony Palocci Jr, and Autumn Above

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Autumn Above Beverly, Massachusetts

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