Blessed You're Still

by Autumn Above

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Dante Cornwell
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Dante Cornwell The first album I've bought in almost a decade. Absolutely amazing. Favorite track: Earth to Self.
Owen W
Owen W thumbnail
Owen W A very worthy follow-up to Prologue, this album delivers Autumn Above's characteristic layered, intricate acoustic-y goodness, with their usual expressive singing. But it's the lyrics that really steal the show, describing the experiences of a survivor of sexual abuse in heart-wrenching detail, from the darkness of flashbacks and detaching to the glimmering moments of hope. Y'all made it 100% worth the wait! Favorite track: Earth to Self.
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04:28
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01:23
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05:10

about

This album is dedicated to victims of physical/sexual abuse and neglect. Let our music remind you you're not alone and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We sincerely admire your courage and strength.

Special thanks to our family, friends, fans, and all who support us.
We couldn't do any of this without you. We love you.

credits

released March 9, 2015

Ryan Davison - lead vocals, guitars, harmonica, ukulele, mandolin
Chris Harvey - lead vocals, guitars, effects, organ, upright & toy pianos
Jim Joyce - guitars, vocals
Sean Cahalin - drums, bass, percussion, vocals, baglama, baritone guitar

Dv L Baronson, Kenny Pellegrino - additional vocals

Artwork by Jude Jorge
Produced by Autumn Above
Recorded by Sean Cahalin and Chris Harvey at Q Division Studios, the Long Room, & Studio de Charvey
Drums recorded by Kyle Paradis at Q Division Studios
Mixed by Sean Cahalin
Mastered by Nick Dragoni
Written by Ryan Davison and Autumn Above except:
Track 3 by Chris Harvey, Ryan Davison, and Autumn Above
Track 5 by Sean Cahalin and Autumn Above
Track 9 by Chris Harvey and Autumn Above
Track 11 by Ryan Davison, Anthony Palocci Jr, and Autumn Above

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Autumn Above Beverly, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Past You Stained
Three AM glows the radio - I switch off the headlights
Parked to kill by the sidewalk, his house on the left side
The blinds all drawn down, the silence too perfect
And I've naught to fear, for I am the danger

I've been rehearsing what I'd say to you for all my life
Armed with this blade and haunting memories,
It all resets tonight

Picked the locks at the back door - the first floor is clear
Ascend the stairs to the bedroom - the end concealed, near
Beyond this door sleeps my master: the craftsman, the beast,
Architect of my sickness, slayer of infancy

Burst through the door, knife raised with euphoria - first cut not to kill
Look into my eyes, do you remember me?
Are you proud of your creation?

To feel just as they feel: alive
To be cleansed of the past you stained to rise above

Nailed to the ceiling, do you recall what you've done?
Your insides my mobile, twirling above
Nailed to the ceiling, mutilated they'll find
Your lifeless eyes, lidless, staring them down

I am no murderer.
Track Name: Earth to Self
Shake me, keep me here with you
If I start to slip away, don't let me go
It's getting harder to control now, and yes it happens every day
Everything else loses meaning, my reality fades
The chain on the door, the static on the screen
The lamp on the nightstand sputtering, the chill of his grin
The scent of his spit, the grip of his hands
The wave of disorder, the heat from his breath

I strive to be the type of man you need me to be
To sustain these violent walls from closing in
Leave it behind, get on with this life
To finally sleep devoid of the dreams of immorality

He must be aware of the power he holds
He must still believe it's our little secret
But I can't let go knowing he's breathing
No, I can't let go knowing he's out there

My greatest fear? I won't return
And forever I'll be robbed of all sense of veracity

I'm orbiting around myself - I wish to land
From afar I watch my world spill from my hand
I long to make contact
Earth to self, are you in there?
Breaking up, losing signal
Earth to self, are you in there?

My body greets the blows without the sense of pain
Into the void, emotion bounces off again
I long to make contact
Earth to self, are you in there?
Breaking up, losing signal
Earth to self, are you in there?
Track Name: Feeding Fears
(oh no - not again)
(slow down - thoughts in this head)
Fixing mistakes before we make them
Instilled in me when I was young
The only one who understood this...
She knows, she knows...

You taught me how to keep this quiet
Not sure you knew any other way to keep me right, just keep this light
What will all these futures betray?
A lesson learned in evolution- hungry hearts are rarely caught
These jokes we tell are just self-preservation, and tragedies only what we make of them

(come on)
Why don't you find answers where we've looked before?
Spiraling out, out of control
Cannot show
Of telling no one of what we know
(goddammit, stop this nonsense)

With all these projects, we keep it moving, preoccupying our worried minds
We keep it light, yeah try not to fight
What we'll become, yeah we'll be alright
Our constant lessons, our revolutions
Our hungry hearts are too often taught that these endeavors are never-ending,
And tragedy only if we give in

To feed our fears with absence
A disregarded inconvenience
Repeats itself again and again:
We are only innocent
To feed our fears with silence
Brothers keep the best of secrets
We'll say it again and again:
We are only innocent

Wait, love... just let this sink in
I've known you for so long, played for you this requiem
Don't leave, just sit a while
On your branch and in your beauty
Red defying what we've done

(no more)
(never again)
(brothers)
(only innocent)
Track Name: Filthy
I foresaw the shitstorm brewing ahead-
It won't be long before they take me away
They'll ask me the very questions I've been asking myself for years,
But there are no answers
Pathetic's the best word I'd choose to describe what I've become
The worst of me has yet to surface, the impious voice is whispering:

“You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy
Filthy child, dirty mind, where's your dignity?
In the palm of his hands with your innocence
So go on, where's your strength?
Oh, he took that too?
Why don't you take it back?
What are you waiting for?
Go on and take it back,
It's time to be the man you ought to be”

I get these thoughts in my head
Images that won't dissipate
Popping pills brings no comfort
A toxic passion you can't medicate

Why are you shaking, boy?
Are there questions you can't bear to ask?
Why are you shaking, boy?
Was there a part of you that enjoyed it?

“You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy
Filthy child, dirty mind, where's your dignity?
In the palm of his hands with your innocence
So go on, where's your strength?
Oh, he took that too?
Was there a part of you that enjoyed it?
Why are you shaking, boy?

”You were sick, you were sick, just a sick little boy
Little fag, little bitch, where's your dignity?
In the palm of his hands with your innocence
So go on, where's your strength?
Oh, he took that too?
Why don't you take it back?
What are you waiting for?
Go on and take it back
It's time to be the man you ought to be.”
Track Name: I Carve Away
This lantern my only weapon as her voice clears the room
She's leading us up past the gates, down the hole, through the muck
Cut through the grass, make your way up and in
She's leading us down, deep within
It's time to set her free

The guards will kill on sight; they don't ask questions, no
Hold my fingers down, let go, he spins around
One heart left! Hold on, or twirl and fall
There's always rats and snakes behind the throne

At least death meant I got to hear that enchanting song on repeat
Oh, let's not forget it also meant it was his turn

Aimlessly I journey through and I learn where to and not to go
Let's pay the piper a visit; we just might catch him this time
Or the silent man by the desert door- we're not equipped for him, no
You're off picking 'shrooms in the lost woods
Let's fool around in this world some more

And worlds within worlds we'll need to battle through
Full power, swing, it spins and takes them down
That persistent warning gave you an edge, yes
This you could control

I carve this shame away
Into the flesh I carve away
Those feeble cries? Sweet symphony
That final breath? Ecstasy

There has got to be another fountain
I'll never be strong enough for you

At least death meant I got to hear that enchanting song on repeat
Oh, let's not forget it also meant it was his turn.
Track Name: Am I Capable?
Opened my eyes one foot out the door
Car keys in hand and I could hardly breathe
I've never been known to sleepwalk, yet I know I was dreaming
I just never fell asleep

Above my angels rest
Below their man descends from stability
Am I a danger to myself?
Or am I a danger to everyone I love?

Opened my eyes, one hand in the drawer
Knife clenched in fist - this I fear every day
I've never been known to murder, yet I can't help dreaming
I should be put away

“You're not capable,” they say
Am I capable?

With every day that goes by I change
Would I be better off? I cannot say
Maybe their love could cure it all?
Maybe your love could cure it all?

Opened my eyes for the first time and saw
Your face staring back at me, and I felt alive
You never gave up on me now I see
Even if it comes and goes, you'll be there to hold me down.
Track Name: Apogee
I suppose that I wasn't the first to be graced with your presence, no
I hoped to hell that I was the last, at least
In your wake the ghosts of the living
Fragments of our lives now yours
To replay at your own leisure, you crooked bastard

I've kept an open mind for long enough to know it don't pay shit to the quality of life
I'm exhausting all the patience they had left
Just make your move, or just move on

I propose you seek other options
What if I told you that you could have your cake (and eat it too) over his dead body?
Oh, not again, you just pissed yourself
Quit shivering, you'll make a scene
Here's the blade, please be sure he understands just why

You preach to those who seem to waste their time in their own apogee
As you watch yourself regress, reshape, reduce to the rancid ideals
You've said yourself, “we only get this chance, so don't fuck it up”
From way up there it seems that all you've learned was from observation
Why not desert your post for once?

The cardinal somehow braved that whiteout, his color cutting through - his song defines you
That name rolls off their forked tongues, the once lulling tune becomes incessant screeching
How does it feel?
Does it feel good?

Now exposed for who he is and the true body count revealed, you can see that you were right
With every day you let slip by in silence, another notch etched in
One more soul fed to the sharks

The cardinal somehow braved that whiteout, his color cutting through - his song defines you
That name rolls off their forked tongues, the once lulling tune becomes incessant screeching
Branch by branch, he fought the winds; if perched too long, the snow and ice would claim him
How does it feel?
Track Name: Blessed You're Still
It's hard to believe that I never believed I'd be leaving you
To wade in the vortex, your value inflating, escaping me
To the back of my mind, exiled by perspective and better days
Of self-medication, yet productive thinking, your power strays

And I'll take the blame for everything I've done
Why should you have it all?
Come on, let's give credit where credit's due
You seem so sure of yourself these days won't last
I'm guessing all these weak contemplations:
Novelties, a passing phase in contrast

Quit reaching out for remedy
Bite down on this, taste something sweet

I picture you sitting there, old man in a rocking chair, feeling safe
Your eyes start to sting and you smile cause you know that this is the end
The searchlight's behind you, the dogs couldn't follow your vile scent
You continue to dig yourself through, while above the sirens lament

If I'm not broken, then what then? (still he carries that piece of you)
Would your actions be now excused? (you wish you believed in a Hell)
Or would you lie awake with regret? (to see him suffer before curtain call)
To know that I'm rid of you? (what would you give just to see this through?)


You're counting on karma to creep up behind, yet you're torn
Delivering what he deserves, your chance to be reborn
Imagine a you unaltered and relieved of all guilt
No question of identity, not with his blood then spilt

You're sick of fishing for mistook sympathies
And dancing within the clouds you're conjuring
Meanwhile, you've just realized how blessed you are still
Inevitably, one day you'll lose the will

You're counting the days as you cower beneath wide awake
Delivering what he deserves: your decision to make?
Imagine a you unaltered and atoned for all guilt
No question of identity, not with his blood then spilt...
Track Name: P.E.T.P.W.
(looming beneath the doorway and looking out)
Quit being such a pussy, and wrap things up
Then again this shit's heavy, without a doubt
Maybe you're just the failure you thought you were

I didn't see this coming - is this really unfolding?
Hey, wouldn't that be something
But once it's all over, will I feel the same?

(wandering the streets: dead winter, the night sky grey)
Wondering what they're all thinking - could they relate?
I can still see me swimming out deep to stay

To that abyss so massive; as I break down to join it
Oh, wouldn't that be something
The further I zoom out, the smaller I'll feel

At least I can say I'll never be you.
At least I can say I won't be like you.