Prologue

by Autumn Above

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1.
2.
06:11
3.
4.
5.
6.
05:48
7.
8.
9.
02:46
10.
11.
12.
13.

credits

released December 3, 2010

Ryan Davison - Lead Vocals, Guitar
Chris Harvey - Lead Vocals, Guitar, Effects
Jim Joyce - Guitar, Vocals, Didgeridoo
Anthony Palocci Jr. - Bass, Vocals, Mandolin
Sean Cahalin - Drums, Vocals, Percussion, Organs, Rhodes, Effects

Additional Musicians:
Dmitri Platov - Violin
Jae-Sun Baek - Viola
Sean McKenna - Cello
Ali Cahalin - Double Bass
Jingjing Zhou - Piano
Brandon Wooster - additional Vocals on track 13

All songs written by Ryan Davison and Autumn Above
Produced by Sean Cahalin, Chris Harvey and Autumn Above
Recorded and mixed by Sean Cahalin, Chris Harvey and Autumn Above
Mastered by Jesse Brayman at Soundmirror, Jamaica Plain, MA
Additional recording on 12, 13 by Doug Wilson

Album artwork by Anthony Palocci Jr.
Layout by Chris Harvey

Management: Josh Terrill/Thick & Thin Music

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Autumn Above Beverly, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Endeavor Endless
Waiting, been waiting all of my life
for you to see me, for
you to know my name.
I hold you in all of my dreams.
I've watched you for so long, you're
the only girl for me.
You were my girl next door,
a story told a thousand times before, but
they always get their girl.
I'll never have my girl.
The very core of my inspiration,
my every thought has been bent on you.
Before I can remember, my longest endeavor.

I've called your name but you ignore
every single time.
God put me here, girl, just for you.
Don't make me be alone.
You alone could help me through my wasted life.
I've wasted all my time on you,
and I can't explain why.

The poison flows through black veins;
sweet syringe so you can feel alive.
As you're used on all fours,
just like the whore you are.
And you fade, you decay,
but I could pull you out.
Take my hand, just hold on,
just let me be your savior.

There is so much I need to tell you,
yeah there's so much that you should know.
I know all of your secrets, and I can see past your flaws.
I know all about addiction;
my fixation has never ceased.
I have suffered withdrawal with every day that you're not with me.
I have followed you down each alley,
every dark road, you're not alone.
I was born to protect you.
Please let me be the one.
And on those nights when you shiver,
never once did I see you cry.
Don't hold back any longer,
just let me make you stronger.

I try and try to walk away, but I can't give you up.
I lost my way in search for you.
Don't make me be alone.
You alone could help me through this wasted life.
I wasted all this time on you as every day goes by.

A guttered life, laced with promiscuous infection
and injection which pries you from loving those
who could and do love you.
As I peel thy skin like a tangerine,
claw at my own skull, sobbing chokes, dry heaves.
My shaking hands fumble, a frantic convulsion.
I try to decipher what they've called delusion.
Dear god, I know you're to blame.

I always knew that my life was over,
ever since that first day I saw you.

And they all tell me that I have to let you go,
and all those bullshit clichés I've already heard.
And that it's not too late to live life as I should.
Tomorrow is a new day, I should see it through.

Whatever happens, happens, that is just the way it goes.
My son, you must know that god has a plan for everyone.
I'm fully aware of our so-called-father's master plan:
Endless ruin.

You were my girl next door,
a story told a thousand times before, but
they always get their girl.
I'll never have my girl.

I've called your name but you ignore
every single time.
God put me here, girl, just for you.
Don't make me be alone.
You alone could help me through my wasted life.
I've wasted all my time on you, and I can't explain why.
Track Name: Skydiver
Just like a skydiver I chose the jump and plummet,
fully aware I left my parachute back home.
I must admit, I'm terrified of life without you.
My life is just a plot-less movie.

I think I'm running out of ways to try and reach you and everything I've done's backfired thus far.
The harder I swim, the riptide pulls me farther
out to sea.
Now I've lost my horizon, must I trust the stars
to navigate me home?

Tonight, I pray for tidal waves
to bring me back to safe shores.
I ask for one more chance to get back on my feet.
Before you, I had a future promising, prosperous.
Missed opportunities all out the window.
My attempts to incinerate all belongings that may remind me of you has now left me with a
dark and dismal, empty room.
Now it's too late, a man can only take
so much obsession, so much rejection…

I can't keep living this way forever.
Forever knowing you will never see.
See me drowning in your shadow.

And I know a normal life just can't be lived here,
I'll never know who I might have become.
I've dismissed every bit of progress
that has come my way.
My very being forgotten, the old path is lost.
I'm a broken man.

Tonight, I write my final letters
to those I've neglected.
All of the love I gave to her should have been yours.
Don't wait for miracles to uplift you to grandeur,
just do your best to prevent dying all alone.
And don't you think I don't appreciate
all your bold attempts to revive me,
but there's nothing that you could have done for me,
just blame the stars above.
You know a man can only take so much obsession,
so much rejection…

I can't keep living this way forever.
Forever knowing you will never see.
See me drowning in your shadow.

Dear,
Dear Janis, my love.
By the time you read this, I'll be gone.
As long as memory allows me,
you've been my world.

And every time you hurt yourself,
I think it hurts me even more.
And will you ever understand
what it is I'm dying for?

I can't keep living this way forever.
Forever knowing you will never see.
See me drowning in your shadow.
Track Name: To The Inferno, My Love...
And so I've read, a vertical slit does the trick.
Trickle out from my wrist,
and down to my fingers, into the water.
Arms crossed over my chest.
This porcelain coffin is now open casket,
as the faucet drips me to sleep.
Eyes growing heavy, bloody water consumes me,
soothes me till my final breath.

This is it, this is how I died for you.
I slid a note under your door last night.
A life without you isn't a life at all.
I did my best, we all know.
That has never been quite enough.
I'm dead without you anyways, I'm suffering.
So why not ease this pain?
Goodbye my girl, goodbye cruel world.

Dear Mother and Father, I'm sorry
that your little boy had to go this way.
Maybe god could forgive him someday.
Maybe you could forgive me someday.

Before you let go, I may have an offer
you might find that suits you well.
Just sign right here boy,
you already know you'll be coming here either way.
So why not just sign?
Prolong your arrival and make life your paradise.
You only get one chance.
Isn't she worth it? You know that she's worth it.

I could last an eternity of suffering,
for one lifetime with you.
You'll be my girl, I'll give my soul.

Finally we'll be together.
Hand in hand, but not forever.
I'll give you everything you'll ever need.
You will love me.

I'll welcome the flames,
to the inferno I'll go for you.
Thank the devil for his generosity.
With this ring I'll thee wed,
I've been saving it just for you.
We're gonna make it with Hell on our side.

I've been waiting for this chance
all of my life.
I was certain there was no chance,
no chance for us,
My love.
Track Name: This Lifetime
As if all of my life had been one long winter.
Just an endless blizzard here
stuck on the side of the road.
The headlights stream by,
my desperate hazard lights flash.
Not a yield of concern
as the world just drives past.
You were the spring
I though would never come.
The sun I knew existed,
yet the clouds hovered fearsome.
Now you're mine, my sunshine.

Beneath that veil,
I know you're smiling.
Forget our past,
a new life is waiting.
Walk with me for now.

She'll never know of your sacrifice.
She won't be seeing you in heaven.
There is no turning back
from this point on.
He awaits your arrival.

For this lifetime, I will be your man.
I can save you from everything
and yourself.
I can show you who you really are.
You're beautiful, simply beautiful.

Let the poor bastard have his moment.
After all, it’s only a matter of time.
Look how he smiles, now isn’t that just
perfect?
Fully aware his long road ends with us.
The reaper holds your number.
The reaper holds your name.
His searing future, devised as we speak;
Come gather 'round, the best part awaits.
The reaper holds your soul.

Time is running out.
Soon you will be ours.
Track Name: Fait Accompli
We told you she could change.
We told you things would change.

What'd you expect?
We'd bring a happy ending?
You've made your bed,
now die in it.
Track Name: Burn With Me
Slowly, I wait as we decay.
Just like autumn leaves,
drift down from their trees
and dry out to crumple
under footsteps, and suffocate
beneath winters heavy snow.
Is this what I have prayed for?

Thought that maybe you would change.
After you felt my love, I could save you.
I still need you, and you know that you need me too.
As you stumble back home with your track marks at dawn,
your dried bloody nasal, your cheap perfume on.
You rush straight to the shower
to wash off your filth as you try to recall
where the fuck you have been.

What would you sacrifice?
Would you burn with me?
I got these scars on my wrists
just to prove that I have bled for you.
Would you burn with me?

All alone once again,
waiting for you just to see me,
to know my name.

And I will be screaming
your name before I die,
I’ll long only to hold you,
to see you smile one last time.

What would you sacrifice?
Would you burn with me?
I got these scars on my wrists
just to prove that I have bled for you.
Would you burn with me?

And yet I know that you love me,
only because that was part of the deal.
I just pictured you treating your loved ones
a little differently.
And I hate all those people who ask,
“How's the wife?”
“Are you happy?”
“Can you feel anything at all?”
Track Name: Autumn Lullaby
I can't ever sleep.
Now I have you, I feel complete.
You're my everything.
The softest skin I've ever touched,
the bluest eyes I've ever seen.
All I've ever done
has been for you, I just never knew.
This heart of mine had been shattered.
You entered this world and you fixed it.
You brought me a purpose,
You showed me that
I shall not suffer in vain.

All I've ever known,
Has been washed away
just like sand with the tides.
I can't ever sleep,
if I were to miss one laugh or one smile...

Don't grow too old, don't you leave me.
Let me hold you forever, my little girl.
And I just can't wait to see who you
become someday.
Don't you ever grow too old to love me!

Just ignore every word she says,
and know daddy will always love you.
In this world there's no sweeter face
than the one which I kiss every night.
She knows not what she does to you,
but I know that she’ll see in the end
that you are the greatest thing
that has ever happened to us.

I'll never let her hurt you.
Mother will learn that she loves you.
You've nothing to fear.

Janis, she loves you,
wont you look at her?
Janis, she cries for you,
wont you look at her?
Janis, she needs her mother,
are you there?
Janis, we need you,
is there anyone there?
Autumn took her first steps today
and you missed her first word.
It was “Mother,”
but she's daddy's little girl.
She says, “Daddy,
tell me where did mother go?”

Janis, she loves you,
wont you look at her?
Janis, she cries for you,
wont you look at her?
Janis, she needs her mother,
are you there?
Janis, we need you...

Sometimes, I wish we could run away.

And someday, you will learn
that she'll never be there for you.
And I'll always be right by your side, your hand in mine.
You can be strong with me.
Track Name: Trail Of Roses
These fourteen hour days will be the
death of me,
if this lonely drive don't kill me first.
My only motivation is your precious face.
the only reason I must stay with her.
I love your mother very much,
don't get me wrong.
But love just leads to misery.
I thought I'd buy her flowers,
because after all, today's our anniversary.
Tip-toe over threshold...

(Lights dimmed)
Our wedding song consumes the air.
(Roses)
A trail of roses up the stairs.
(Follow)
Did you really do this all for me?
(Roses)
Oh my love, what could it be?

What have you done, girl,
to my darling, to our baby,
my everything?
How could you?
Tonight's the night, girl,
that you murdered,
that you clawed out my heart, girl.
Ripped to shreds, my everything.

The coldest hands I've ever touched,
the bluest lips.
Close your eyes, please rest in peace.
I'll swaddle you to keep you warm,
I'll hold you close.
There's nothing left for you to fear.
Dear god, It's all my fault,
a consequence for blasphemy.
Strike me down my lord,
forgive me, I offended thee.
Tip-toe, watch out, she's behind you...

(Blood spills)
My stomach opens up inside,
(Slit Throat)
Bloody neck, now open wide.
(Autumn)
Autumn, I'll still hold you tight.
(Hold you)
Until we meet again, goodnight.

What have you done, girl,
to my darling, to our baby,
my everything?
How could you?
Tonight's the night, girl,
that you murdered,
yes, you clawed out my heart, girl.
Ripped to shreds, my everything.

I heard you
cry for the first time tonight.
(I'm fading)
I saw you
noose around neck swinging gently.
(I'm fading)

No, there never was
much of a chance for us.
The ground breaks below,
I can't let go.
I can see the past and future.

No, there never was
much of a chance for us.

What have you done, girl,
to my darling, to our baby,
my everything?
How could you?

You never really loved me,
you never really loved her.
You never even loved yourself;
how could you?
Double homicide slash suicide
is what it took to realize:
I never really loved you.

Now you've thrown away
everything we had.
Do you think
you could take it back?
Remember that we
wont ever be the same.
The inferno awaits,
and I'm the one to blame.
Track Name: Eulogy
What have you done, girl,
to our darling, to our baby,
our everything?
How could you?
Tonight's the night, girl,
that you murdered,
yes you clawed out my heart, girl.
Ripped to shreds, my everything.
Track Name: Inferno Infinite
Embrace thy sentence, follow the essence.
Cross the river into the fires.
Inferno infinite: your soul shall burn.
With great anticipation, I've been waiting for you.

To the screaming, to the suffering,
to the everlasting flames,
I shall shadow this reaper
to my hellfire agony.
I have defied his almighty above,
this anguish well deserved, I concur.
I shall welcome the flames.
To the inferno I'll go for you.

I must have slipped between the cracks
and somehow missed life's meaning.
No one could fathom this regret
which I carry forevermore. Deceivers!
I'm among the tormented,
I shall run with the damned.
Unholy rusted razor shackles
hug thy wrists and ankles.
Here I'll suffer.
Inferno infinite: your soul shall burn.

In retrospect, I guess I always
knew my own conclusion:
endless blizzard, endless ruin.
I was my own murderer.

What's become of your little girl?
Did she feel any pain?
What's become of your poor little girl?
Does she know you're to blame?
Because of me, I'll never see my darling
Autumn become the woman she deserved to be.
Because of me; I should have left when I
had the chance. Just Autumn and I,
our own heaven on Earth.

No lament for the damned ones,
for they have surely been warned.
All you sinners welcome home to your final verdict.
An eternity of your soul's incineration.
You've every reason to be trembling,
a pain unknown awaits.

Burn, indulge my flames.
Burn for all you've done.
You have forsaken god,
now god has forsaken you.

Wasted a lifetime on all the wrong things,
guess I never really understood.
Sure as hell I understand now,
but it's too late.

Now Autumn's gone, and yes, she was the one,
she was the only one I ever really loved and remembered.
My girl forever, there's so much I could have done
and I'll never get to see her grow, never know.
I can't believe she would take her from me:
my helpless child.

And here you'll suffer,
alone with the memories which haunt you
of pain unknown as forever goes by.

Upstream, we try to fight the current to our
destination I'm convinced is merely myth and fabrications.
Brave the rapids, brave the jagged rocks,
struggle not to be pulled under.
The waterfall behind gets closer, so give up
and enjoy the ride.

Redemption is a bitch, my son.
And you'll never forget what you did, no,
that's just part of the program -
consider it a bonus.
As we speak, the maggots find their way,
devouring her lifeless body.
Six feet under: putrid stench,
decaying Autumn lies.

You'll find no mercy here.
Janis, all this for you.
Track Name: Heaven Without
Letter reads, "Dear father,
what has become of you?
I can see all below me,
yet I can't seem to find you.

"Heaven ain't heaven without you.
In life I had you, and that's all that I needed.
I'll be here waiting for your arrival.
Beatless my heart's still alive in you.

"These wings can't stand
to bear the weight of your absence.
Until we meet again,
I'll never learn to fly, yeah.

"I understand mother never really did care for me.
But you were always there just to
pick me up when she knocked me down.
I'll never forget how far you'd go
just to make me smile and
you were the last one I thought
would ever leave my side, oh can't they see?"

Mother... dirty tears
like rivers down your cheeks, yeah.
"Did she mean to hurt me?
Was it something that I did?
All I remember was her shaking hands
as she held me under.

"These wings can't stand
to bear the weight of your absence.
Until we meet again,
I'll never learn to fly, yeah."
Track Name: My Everything Above
"This case is now within our jurisdiction.
Alone the angel can't refuse to fly.
The devil's verdict has been overruled
by the divine to protect his divine.
We need to reach a friendly compromise.
Either way, it's time to hand him over.
You can't afford another war with the heavens.
We know you're up to something,
just give us the boy."

Above and beyond the stars,
there is a little girl who is waiting for her
father to return to her somehow.
Little does she know daddy's
burning, yes, he's burning far below.

The devil works in mysterious ways; this could be another trick, another form of my torture. I must admit,
the very thought of her broken wings brings
more pain than hell could ever conjure.

Must I accept her fate?
There's nothing left of me.
Heaven would not permit
one of our own to wither
our beloved must not suffer for the
sins of the damned.
She needs a miracle,
let's deliver what's deserved,
let's bring her peace.

The devil knows that resistance would be quite unwise,
he understands this boy has a purpose.
To give him up would bring him much indignation, I'm sure.
Fear not, our strength comes from the almighty.

He seeks to destroy all creation;
the Earth shall not suffer his flames.
Heaven remains unscathed, and
everything beneath will crumble.

Must I accept her fate?
There's nothing left of me,
she'll never fly.

As the ground beneath us trembles,
and the oceans absorb the skies.
The very air you breathe a poison.
They will unravel their disguise.
Now concealed beyond the curtains,
they shape the plagues to come.
Brace the locusts and leprosy fatal,
witness this terror eclipse the sun.

As your shackles turn to sand,
a distant light shall flicker.
Follow swiftly, take no notice to the pain.
You must push on.
Through caverns deep you'll journey,
towards the end you'll find the light glows brighter.

Hope: you thought a child's notion.
And God: just someone to blame.
There is a chance, you see,
to rectify this tragedy.
Believe, you must believe.

My everything above,
if I could only hold you.

We fly tonight for mankind -
when the hell mouths open,
will you face the fires?
Waste not your time on mercy,
for surely mercy you will not receive.
(Fly, fight)
The demons shall not shake you,
let the blessed prove our strength
against the damned.
(Fly, fight)
We fly tonight for virtue,
black blood shall stain our wings,
we will prevail.

This is only just the beginning.
Track Name: (the beginning)
My eyes open, unable to see.
Limbs are frozen, I'm gasping to breathe.
Skin scabs over all muscle and bone,
new blood flows, fills veins withered and cold.
Like the thunder, my chest strains a heartbeat,
clench the earth, try to rise to my knees.
Bear the weight of the sky above pressing,
dawn's wind whispers, "it's time to begin."